A Sense of Knowing

 “It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul;
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.”
From: The Invitation
Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Today, a friend quoted these words, and it took me back to many of the workshops which I had done, where people were truly unhappy about the statement that one could be faithless and trustworthy. I suppose it is not a concept that is easy to grasp, but the more I thought about it, the more it spoke to me at core level.

When we believe in something, it means that we have spent a long time pondering it, more often than not, having heard it from someone else or, in many cases, we found it drifting along in our frame of reference, having been seeded there as a part of our inheritance from the family thinking.

Believing something always seemed so safe, as if one had arrived, and more often than not, one could be found fighting nail and tooth for our beliefs. There are so many beliefs, both positive and negative, that we all hold on to for dear life. Never mind that, I can think of quite a few that I have been savoring, cradling them to my opulent bosom just in case someone was to come along and question them.

But then something Sagittarian happened to me. My spiritual feet started itching and, as they say, I heard the call. For quite some time I was wandering, searching and questioning – although the questioning has not started, as those around me will attest! Until the day someone walked into my office whilst I was doing research for a workshop on angels, and asked me who the huge big angel standing beside me, was.

As if from far away, I heard my voice stating, without any question or hesitation, that it was the Archangel Metatron. I think, if truth be told, I was even more surprised than she was at the answer, as it was not a name that had ever featured in any of our discussions or work before. But, for me, it was a knowing so clear, so profound and so in my soul, that I was never going to question it. The only thing I wanted to do was find out more about this angel and why he chose to work with me.

Well, none of the answers were easy – in fact, there is much written about him and his life as a mortal being known to us as Enoch, but as to why he should work with me – well – he simply said that that was our contract and that it was to now be fulfilled. I think I can comfortably say that that was my first real experience with clairaudience, and although it was so very new to me, it felt like I had come home. Here was this angel who, at first, made himself known – although I did not realize it at the time, through a gentle breeze blowing on my neck and shoulders. The next was the voice and then the iridescent gold – not to mention the size. When I experience the Metatron energy, it feels as if I am lifted high off my feet and seeing the world from a very different perspective. Since this encounter, I have had so many interactions with this wonderful being, that our work has become a part of my daily life and meditations, I am honored to sit at his feet and learn and I know, without question, that the presence is in the room or in the circle whenever I do workshops or meditations.

The path with this angel has been an interesting one – and I shall not now or ever seek to place blame or accountability for anything I have done or any decisions I have made, at his feet – however, the nudges that come to me in the early hours of the mornings or during meditation, certainly has had a lot to do with many of the changes I have seen in my life during the past six years. In fact, if anyone had told me six years ago that I would live in Botswana – let alone get married again after being happily divorced for 20 – I would have laughed at them. Seventeen years ago, when I was pregnant with Jacques, a very special spooky lady called Esme, told me that there was the most amazing golden angel with me, that I would be married to someone younger than me and would live approx. 1 to 2 hours away from the big waters where I consider my roots to be. Having grown up in Durban, I had no doubt that I would be in the Midlands, a place which had always had a special attraction for me. I had, however, forgotten about this reading, and only after Lorenzo and I were together for a while did I listen to the recordings and realize that her reading was being realized.

So what, you may ask, has all of this got to do with Oriah Mountain Dreamer and being faithless? Well, this beloved Archangel, who always refers to me by what he calls my Spirit name, Lleyya, is still right here behind my right shoulder, whispering in my ear and teaching me about life, about the differences between choices and destiny and our relationship with God.

In my life I have learnt about control – or the lack of it, I have learnt about choices and how they make us, not us them, I have learnt that destiny is “Thy will” and free will is “my will”. I have also learnt that my will is only the interior decorating for “Thy will” and that, when I found the place of knowing God, rather than believing everything everyone else has ever taught me about this so called God, my whole life changed and became a journey of wonder – sometimes wonder for the amazing gifts we receive, the joy of living on this beautiful farm, the sound of horse’s hoofs at the back door, the smiling face of Jacques as we either drop him or collect him from boarding school – and sometimes wonder about where the next cent will come from, if there will ever be another job to be done, why my computer had to be fried yet again, why this family is holding fighting progress and each other and where the future will take us. I have shouted at the heavens and I have screamed at God, demanding – yep, how is that? – demanding answers right away, felt powerless and felt angry – and then, the knowing…… After some time of kicking and screaming, the knowing settles back gently in my soul – and I know that everything is exactly as it should be, that our needs are always met on some level and that we are exactly where we should be at any given moment.

It is then, in those quiet moments, that I feel the reassuring voice of the Archangel, Metatron, whispering love in my ear, reminding me that I am never alone and that we will always be supported in ways we can hardly begin to imagine. At other times, he stands facing me, demanding to know when the website will be done or when I will advertise another workshop. Not always sweet and nice, he shows me balance and guides me towards the words that, when I read or write them, open my heart so that the love of God can flow through it, touching others and teaching in ways that I could never do on my own.

And now, as we await the rest of our journey, we are still – both Lorenzo and I – in the knowing that our story may not be true to others, but it is true to us – it is what resonates with us at a soul level and that we are clear in our intent and the knowing that where we are is in harmony with the journey our souls undertook lifetimes ago – and that questioning that would certainly be betraying our souls. This for both of us, is a knowing.

We are faithless – we have no faith in other people making our worlds better or providing for us, we have no faith that tomorrow will bring our new address, we have no faith that Jacques will not do the things teenagers are so prone to doing, we have no faith that we will continue living on this farm – all we have is a knowing. A knowing that, when the time is right, we will be guided to our answers, to the courage to make the right decisions and that, in spite of our tantrums, we are content in this knowing.

It is when we are faithful, that we want to hold onto a situation, a person, a belief or a place – believing that holding on is the right thing to do. If we are faithless, we can evaluate clearly and impartially, everything that is presented to us on a daily basis, we can run it by our clear guidance – and we are all kitted out with an infallible guiding system called ‘gut feel’ – and we can advise and decide on our paths based on a knowing rather than a belief.

It is for this reason that we are trustworthy – for you can always trust Lorenzo and I to provide new entertainment and for those of you who visit us, new vistas to explore. My knowing, though, is that it is time for myself, Archangel Metatron and my new teacher, Lord El Morya, to settle down in a place from where I can share my knowing with all who needs to find their own.

So, until we meet again, test your beliefs and see how valid they are, seek out that in which you have faith – and evaluate it against your knowing so that you too may set sail on uncharted seas with a song in your heart and a tremor in your soul.